Greetings from the Gulf of Mexico!

This Travelogue is from a cruise through the Caribbean, sent July 30, 2004.

Dear Family and Friends:

Greetings from the Gulf of Mexico! I’m pleased to report that we’ve so far survived our Western Caribbean cruise on the Carnival Triumph. Our suite is on the 7th floor, starboard side, right in the middle of the ship, which is an equal distance walk to the Lido deck pools, the buffet, and the Rome Lounge (the ship’s main 3 story showroom). Our room is about double the size of a typical room, has a marble bathroom, two sinks, Jacuzzi tub, leather wrap around sofa, chairs and large balcony. Having done the budget, inside, bottom floor, end of the ship, over the engines cabin on past cruises, the relatively small difference in cost was well worth the additional investment.

The food isn’t anything like the fantastic, phenomenal, organic, legendary quality of Malissa’s cooking, and not as good as other cruises I’ve enjoyed, but satisfactory. As of the last day of our trip, we still haven’t met our elusive cabin steward, but every morning and night our bed is made and the room is clean and the sheets are turned back and towels are changed. Each night, our room has been host to local wildlife created from towels. The first night was a puppy, the second I thought was a brontosaurus, but Malissa thought might have been a turtle or swan. That was followed by a sting ray and a bunny (fortunately not the flesh eating kind).

Our first stop was Cozumel, Mexico where we checked out the diamonds and precious stones for which they’re famous and decided they were awfully proud of their stuff. Cozumel is home of the world’s smallest Hard Rock Café, which was still 3 stories (the bathrooms were on the 3rd floor!). We found the people friendly and eager to sell services to tourists and try as we might, we didn’t look local enough to blend in. One kid outpaced us three times to guide us into local shops to rent a Jeep.

Next stop was Grand Cayman, clearly more orderly being a British Protectorate. The people were by far the most genuinely friendly of any port. While I went scuba diving, Malissa snorkeled. The diving in Cayman was amazing; the water temperature was perfect and the visibility seemed well over 100 feet. On the first dive, there was a beautiful white stingray about 18” across the back at about 60 feet, almost completely camouflaged against the matching white sand and tropical fish were everywhere. Our second dive was in the swim-through reefs, one of the many diving attractions unique to the Grand Cayman. A swim-through was a new experience for me; some are like troughs through the reef, others are like tunnels in a simple underwater reef-maze. At the bottom of one, not twelve inches from me, our guide shined his light on a huge “bug” (aka: lobster) trying to make himself smaller as a dozen divers swam by gawking.

The water at Cayman is reportedly the fourth saltiest water in the world. Malissa swam with a Sea Turtle and Tappan (sp?) a large silver fish and other tropical fish. Our money didn’t go far at Bacchus, one of the best restaurants on the island where we discovered the exchange rate was 1.25 US Dollars to the Cayman dollar. Lunch was $85.00, but Malissa decided resolutely that it was well worth it and the food was certainly the best on the trip. We stopped at the Hard Rock Café once more and were reminded again of how weak the Dollar is right now against other currencies. Anecdotal factoid: there are more banks per capita (or square mile or something) in the Cayman Islands than any other place on earth.

In Jamaica we felt like a pair of wallets with legs. Unemployment in Jamaica is over 40% so people make a living any way they can. One cab driver quoted us $30 for what the next driver quoted us $10. We braved the “Negotiation Market” and after about 15 minutes of some of the most aggressive sales techniques I’ve ever seen, we were ready to head back to the ship. We were offered drugs probably a dozen times. One local took us through the “Locals Market” and at the end of the tour suggested we tip him $30. We gave him $15 to split with his friend and told him we were going to grab a cab and head back. He and his friend hopped in the cab with us and argued over how to split our tip the entire ride back to the dock.

Our ship, the MS Triumph (where MS does NOT stand for Microsoft) is host to people from all over the world and is huge. It’s so big that we hardly see the same people twice, so we haven’t gotten to know anybody very personally as we have on other cruises, but still the activities and amenities have been lots of fun. Malissa and I both got the Ionetherme treatment that “melts inches and removes toxins that keep your body from burning fat.” Malissa got an aroma massage and I got a facial that made me look so young that security told me to get out of the adult pool and back in with the kids! Ok, just kidding, but at least Malissa said she could see a difference.

I didn’t think anything of it when the South African spa therapist asked if she could rub my shoulders and feet during the Ionetherme treatment until I learned that they don’t normally do that. When she told me I had “neat feet”, I suspected some unusual fetish. During my last treatment, my eyes were covered and when she finished, I thought I felt her kiss the tip of my left foot?! I wasn’t sure until she left the room for me to get dressed and there was a faint outline of lipstick on my big toe! I thought, “That’s gunna be a story and a laugh for years to come!”

There’s been a fantastic Japanese band that can sing “Old Time Rock & Roll” more like Bob Seager than Bob Seager. There’s Karaoke (that I’m anxious to see Malissa perform). I’ve played BINGO for the first time in my life at Malissa’s behest, and while I’ve been remote desk-topping to my office from the Internet Café, Malissa’s netted over $300 at the casino (which is about what I’ve spent on Internet!), but at least she quits while she’s ahead! :-)

Finally, I’m pleased to report our version 4 beta of ISP in a Box® is working well from 3 out of 3 different computers in the middle of the Gulf of Mexico on a cruise ship via satellite. Truly, using our software, ISPs will be able to manage their Internet service from anywhere.

Love,

Todd & Malissa